you know those people who can never seem to keep in step with the group?
think back to PE, in the line of 5th graders doing the president’s sit up test. they’d always have their backs to the floor when their peers’ noses reached their knees. you know that kid.
or the one in the zumba class that always turns left instead of right when they pop and lock. yeah. that lady.
well the usual awkward off kilter hilarity of this situation took a turn for the worst when token unrhythmic participant ended up next to me in a wall-to-wall packed kickboxing class the other day.
i don’t mean to exaggerate, but i narrowly avoided blunt force trauma about fifteen times. this class was easily twenty people overbooked, and for the life of her and us innocent cardio-goers around her, this woman could not keep up. hell, neither could i half the time, but the key here, is to avoid doing the complete opposite of everyone else. it’s kickboxing. you are literally pretending to fend off an attacker (albeit to the soundtrack of the black-eyed peas). but that still calls for a bit of uniformity if you ask me. it was difficult enough to concentrate on my squat form when every time i looked in the mirror i saw her, red-faced and standing two feet higher than the rest of us lowered on our exhausted and trembling legs. only to squat when the rest of us stood up for relief.
and the worst of it… she was constantly kicking when the rest of us weren’t. conveniently i was leaning to do a block as per the instructor’s guidance, when i literally felt a rush of wind, only to turn and see that i had just come obscenely close to being kicked in the face. this continued for the next 35 minutes.
needless to say i haven’t gone back.
goodbye crowded classes. hello p90x.