a little bit tangled and worn down. a few days into january and i was feeling less than inspired, less than energized, and less than well…exquisite. i’ve gotten past the days of putting new years eve on a pedestal of epic party-going and champagne toasts, but there is still a part of me that hopes each new year will be entered with a childlike wondering of ‘what’s next?’ instead, kicked off 2013 exhausted, annoyed by to-do’s that weren’t accomplished over the holiday, and my shoulders were tight with the impending stress of night classes looming in the coming weeks. if we’re being honest, i’ve used the phrase ‘pull yourself together’ way too many times this month.
after being off of work for so long, i realized i had little to nothing to look forward to upon returning to my beige desk equipped with two computer screens and a phone that rings incessantly. (did i mention my office is in a metal box building with no windows?) i find that i ping pong between the notion that ‘work is supposed to be this fulfilling and enriching atmosphere of creativity and connecting’ and ‘suck it up you baby, the economy tanked, and jobs are hard to find.’ and i was deep in the former and wishing for something more. however when i step back from the emotion of it all, i see that my job serves a purpose. it is keeping me out of heaps of school debt and i am very thankful for that.
in the midst of my pity parties i am seeking solace in a few new interests, and if
there is i make time, i hope to find myself somewhere balanced in all of the pingponging. last semester i started reading up on mindfulness and lucky me, it’s a focus of one of my classes this spring. i’m almost done with mindsight (i love it), and just started mindfulness and psychotherapy (a little more textbooky, but still good). if you’re curious, spend some time hearing what dr. dan siegel has to say – i promise it will be fascinating and it could do ya some good too. after reading this article i’ve decided to put words to how i can improve my everyday by becoming more intentional with how and what my time and mind are focused on (i’m looking at you people.com). sabbath manifesto’s ten principles are a good starting point i think, but i hope to create my own principles.
i’m already feeling a bit more grounded.